Greater Dead of Downtown

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the New Orleans Recently Dead of Downtown Tour. My name is Muse and I will be your guide. During this excursion we will be bypassing the Mardi Gras celebration. It’s just a little too lively over there. There is a health advisory for anyone who is pregnant or has a heart condition. Things get pretty scary, graphic, and there may be some running involved. I’d hate to see any of you join the ranks of this city’s great ghosts because of it. We are beginning tonight’s adventure at the city morgue. Please ignore the sign that says Morgue Personnel Only and follow me through these doors.

By looking to your left you will see the “fridge”. This is where the bodies are kept while waiting for the coroner to examine them. If I open this door here you see a typical slab and compartment. The slab is sterilized after every use, so do I have any volunteers to try it out and see what’s it’s like in there? No, well maybe someone will on the way out. As we keep walking this way we will be coming to the examination area. Aren’t we lucky tonight! The coroner is hard at work on one of New Orleans’ recently departed. According to the chart, the man being autopsied at the moment is Mr. Thomas Beauregard. His wife shot him last night when she caught him with another woman. It appears that Mr. Beauregard also suffered from an enlarged heart. To the right of the coroner is the table my grandmother was examined on after the freak water buffalo accident at the zoo. Poor gran never saw what hit here. Oh look, a double homicide has just been brought in. I didn’t realize you could do that to some one with a drill. We’d better get out of here so the medical examiners have room to work.

Down this hallway is the crematorium. Hi Jim, did you bring the marshmallows? Excellent! For our next activity, we will be making s’mores. It will only take a moment to get the furnace going. After we are done here we will be heading on to the gift shop where you can purchase mini coffins, examining tables, and t-shirts. One of our most popular designs is the “I survived the morgue” series. It also comes on coffee mugs. Are there any questions or comments before I turn you over to Jim? Have a nice evening ladies and gentleman, I will see you on the bus.

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